There are few words on a menu that get my goat as much as ‘with a salad garnish’. You know it’s going to be a disappointment – an excuse for a mean, sad little bit of boring food, a visit back to the bygone days of the 70s.

And then sometimes the damned garnishes just creep up on you unannounced and sit there like a bacon sandwich at a Jewish wedding. Ah, actually this is a story of a bacon sandwich and a garnish, would you believe?

Stopping at the otherwise fine Sea Lanes Café by the beach at Goring-on-Sea for a late breakfast, my wife and I had a couple of rather good bacon sandwiches. Nicely crisp bacon on fresh white bread, and not at all greasy.

But – and it’s a big but – not only was there a garnish (a garnish with a bacon sandwich!), but it was a particularly bizarre one. It consisted of the usual timid piece of lettuce and lonely slice of tomato, but sitting on top of the salad ensemble was a slice of orange, slit radially and with the free edges pointing in opposite directions. The piece of fruit sat up proudly as a major feature of the gastronomic presentation.

What are these guys on??