I’m sitting here looking at some client copy. It grates. It grates a lot.
The reason? It uses a kind of overblown, wordy marketing speak which gets in the way. It’s using language like this:
…using the built-in chocolate-making capabilities included with every mega purple widgit
Do you really need the word ‘capabilities’? Try reading it without:
…using the built-in chocolate-making included with every mega purple widgit
I think it’s better without. It also punctures the corporate grandiosity that lurks heavily in the background of such a writing style.
If you’re bothered by seeing ‘chocolate-making’ as a verb, how about this?:
…using the built-in chocolate maker included with every mega purple widgit
Be concise, simple and clear. Your customers will reward you for it.